Bills, Bills, Bills (and not the fun ones Destiny’s Child sings about)


Medical Bills Bills Bills, ya’ll

My family and I are diseased, or cursed, I’m not exactly sure which.

We have been sick once every week, since the last week of December; and we were sick about every other week before that. (I realize that the root of our illnesses lie in Harrison’s preschool, but I inquired and you actually CAN’T force them to clean extra because your family has weak immune systems.)

The recent bout of illness was diagnosed, officially, as strep throat. Upon seeing the doctor, we were all prescribed Azithromycin (Or, a “Z-Pack”). I was assured that this was very different than Penicillin (Because, obviously, Delaney can’t have that ‘cillin) and I went ahead with filling our scripts.

I hightailed my sick booty, and the booties of my two sick children, to Rite Aid, to pick up the Rx. When I greeted the Rite Aid pharmacy tech, she let me know that there was going to be a 25 minute wait time, even though the prescription was sent in a half an hour prior. This wasn’t my first Rite Aid-long-ass-wait-time rodeo, but it was my first with two, very sick babies. So I took to trying to keep them occupied, while trying to contain their diseased hands and faces. My attempt at this proved futile, as they both ended up laying on the floor of the pharmacy whilst kissing stuffed animals that my ass was NOT about to purchase. So, after 25 minutes and countless germs spread, we were on our way to the back of the store to pick up those good drugs.

When we got back there, and she rang them all up, she read me the total. The total for 4 antibiotics, and a 50% off bag of Tootsie Pops (Harrison’s favorite, but the kid WON’T eat the tootsie roll in the middle. Like, what’s even the point, bro? The roll is the best part.) should have been, like, 50 bucks TOPS. The total was $108.00 (I had to take a moment to actually pick my jaw up off of the floor)


*THOUGHTS THAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD: Jon and I have DECENT insurance, WHY was the total $108.00?? Do you think they’ll give me a tired mom discount? What about a straight charity discount? Maybe if I slide the tech a $5, she’ll “forget” to scan one of the medications.* I figured it must have been a mistake, so I had her double check,  but it was correct (cue real fever-induced tears). So, I reluctantly paid the moolah and promptly called my mom to complain. She was empathetic, of course, but it did not ease my angry feelings.

This inconvenient payment would have been O.K. on my psyche, had we not already had thousands of dollars in medical bills coming to fruition. I mean SERIOUSLY people. This is nuts. We picked the worst health insurance plan ever (at least for the unhealthy year we were about to have). The cheaper monthly payment, with the higher deductible. Delaney’s hospital visit, Harrison’s October hospital visit, and our constant illness, have given us medical bills up the wazoo (<I’m really making an effort to not swear, see? I could have written ass here). I hope these doctors like $10/month payments, because Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, Merry Kwanzaa to you Dr. So and So, that’s what you’re getting!

Now, excuse me while I go schedule my breast augmentation and CoolSculpting lipo procedures, because, if I’m paying out the ass for modern medicine anyway, I might as well get to look fabulous too.



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