When the Husbands away, the Wife will…try not to kill everyone

Friends, family, esteemed colleagues, I come to you today, to urge you to not poke the mama bear. At least not when she’s all by herself, with two small children, an asshole dog, and only nap time to look forward to.

This weekend, my husband took a trip to the great state of Texas. You heard me right, folks. He was a mere (what feels like) 1 million miles away, drinking and having a good time without us. I was bitter, but you couldn’t even tell. I was *basically* Mary freaking Poppins the ENTIRE weekend. My kids really got to see the best parts of me, really, I swear. (Rocks in the fetal position in a corner).

So, basically, this is short and disjointed, because not only was it a ROUGH weekend with him gone, but it was also DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME. WHO THE F&@# LEAVES THEIR WIFE ON THE WORST WEEKEND OF THE ENTIRE YEAR. So, even though I should be fresh and rested and ready for the week ahead, I am actually exhausted, cranky, and a little behind on my homework. I SWEAR though, you can’t even tell. Nope, not at all. (Laughs maniacally) (Cries into my empty coffee, vodka, juice cup)

I should mention, though, that Jon had agreed to give me a weekend away to make up for it. I just hope he realizes that I’m heading to Vegas.

Don’t be surprised if he starts posting online that he can’t reach me.

Mama bear can NOT promise she’ll come back.




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