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Why isn’t day-drinking more popular? or, Decorating Easter Eggs with My Son

My son has been excited about coloring Easter eggs since I first mentioned it last week. I spent days telling him it wasn’t quite time yet, and he patiently waited, until yesterday.

Yesterday, I wanted to stuff burning hot wax into my ears. Yesterday, I wanted to bury my head so deep into a pile of dirt that a tree would literally grow out of my ass. Yesterday, Harrison asked me to color Easter eggs, every 10 minutes, for the. entire. day. He was like a rabid dog, just trying to get to his colorful egg-flavored bone.

So last night, I promised him that we would color Easter eggs today. I wasn’t specific on a time, but I was able to stave him off until Jon got home from work this evening.

After the kids took their naps, (which was an actual nap for Delaney, but a debacle for Harrison, who couldn’t settle down due to the excitement of the impending egg-coloring) I convinced Harrison that we had to wait for his dad to get home, because he wanted to do it with us (total lie). As we waited for the old man, I made grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches. The kids SCARFED them down because OBVIOUSLY, the faster they ate, the faster Dad would be home. I then proceeded to make MY sandwich, which I, OF COURSE, forgot about, and burnt, and filled the entire house with smoke. (I’m *almost* embarrassed to say that this happens often enough, that Harrison knows the protocol. He promptly opened up the back door and began fanning the smoke out).

Finally, after about 186 hours of waiting, Jon got home. Harrison was then sorely disappointed to find out he had to wait until Jon had his dinner. (Que real, actual puddle-filling tears) (I feel like I made that phrase up, but I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’m going to assume that I’m actually an English genius). Once Jon finished eating, I cleaned up and we commenced egg coloring. I expected this activity to last about 20 minutes, assuming the kids let Jon and I show them some cool techniques, and assuming they took turns and just chilled the hell out.

I shouldn’t have assumed (about the time-line of egg coloring, not my English genius) because as quick as it began… its was over.

LITERALLY 48 HOURS OF BRAIN-GRATING WHINING AND IT LASTED 7 STRESSFUL MINUTES and 46 MESSY SECONDS. WHAT THE FAAACK.

So, I just wondered, really, why isn’t day drinking more popular? I mean, really? We’re all adults here, what’s a little nip here and there?

I feel like drinking whilst taking care of your kids was totally cool 60 years ago. What-the-hell happened?

 

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